I just learned that I failed my comprehensive exam in Canadian politics. I will be getting detailed written feedback on what went wrong, as well as meeting with the graduate director about it. I will also be able to speak with the three people who set and graded the exam. I have the option of re-writing the exam in December. If I fail it then I am out of the PhD program.
The first question all this prompts, not inappropriately, is whether a PhD program is the right place for me to be. The odds are strongly against any particular PhD student ending up with a job in academia, and I am not even entirely sure that is what I would want for myself. That being said, I am sure I wouldn’t be questioning the decision to be in a PhD program if I had learned today that I passed. Failing the exam was essentially a tactical failure: not devoting enough time to preparation, not preparing in the most effective way possible, and not using the right approach to writing the exam itself. Drawing a strategic answer from that – about whether carrying on with a PhD is the right choice – may be a mistake.
The question of whether this is the right place to be is fairly jarring, because I had settled psychologically into the assumption that I would be spending 5-6 years in a PhD program. I have no desire to return to government under the prevailing conditions, and all my pre-PhD efforts at finding an interesting job in the private or NGO sectors were dismal failures.
One preliminary comment was that my three essays were insufficiently strong, in terms of the quality of their argument. My understanding before the exam was that the most important thing was to cite many sources, so I treated the essays mostly as vehicles for doing that. This will still be necessary for the re-write, but I will need to make sure to have a sophisticated and convincing argument as well.
Proceeding on the assumption that it makes sense to persist with the PhD, I should refocus my efforts for the next 3-4 months. It would probably make sense not to run again for the presidency of Toronto350.org when we have our termly general meeting on the 24th. Similarly, I should probably make course selections that are consistent with the need to devote considerable time to comp preparation in the months ahead. This term, I won’t get to audit any interesting courses outside my field.
Right now, I am on the hook to finish the Toronto350.org divestment brief before the start of term on the 9th. There is still a moderate amount of substantive work to do, along with a lot of proofreading.