Please believe that this post is not prompted by any recent incident, but rather by something I have long observed and recently had some clarifying conversations about.
I have always been vexed and perplexed by insincere invitations of all kinds, when done out of politeness or as a kind of social reflex: “You must come to the house for lunch sometime…”
I do not like not knowing if a sincere offer is being made, and I do not like following up to have the offering party just awkwardly never get to the point of saying that an invitation had not been sincere.
For the benefit of my friends, colleagues, and relations, I will briefly and simply enunciate my own policy so that you may understand what an invitation from me means:
My invitations are sincere.
Specifically, they are not insincere in that I am not actually proposing to do the thing suggested. If I suggest having lunch sometime, I do really mean to break out calendars and arrange and execute such a plan. If you say yes and the fates allow, there will be lunch.
They are also not insincere in the sense of being a coded signal for something else. I am curious about a limitless number of things, so if I suggest we take a walk sometime and have a detailed discussion on some subject, or take a bike ride around the city, or whatever – I do actually, literally, specifically mean we should do those things.
Thank you for your attention.
I also have observed the practice of “we should have coffee or lunch sometime” invitations where it is not expected that it will happen. Sometimes I hear the comment and sometimes I make it
What I find is a good way to arrange to meet is to take out our calendars and at that moment set a date